Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
