You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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