dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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