Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
