the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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