I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
