my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize