so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
