Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
