Porn is love you can see.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
