I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
