Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
