My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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