call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
