My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
