I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize