i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
