just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
