Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
