I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
