so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
