it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
