I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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