Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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