Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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