Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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