no, he came in my armpit
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
