Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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