did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
