can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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