She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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