one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
a search helicopter?!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
