she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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