JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
