Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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