FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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