now i know why i became what i already was.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
