but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
