I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
