i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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