As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
