I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
