What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
