i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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