i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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