Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
