What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
