In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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