Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
