The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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