A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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