dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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