Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
