y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
