Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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