when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
