i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
