I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
