the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
They took my balls.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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