Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
