I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize