You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
