I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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