I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
