i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
