I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
