we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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