I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize