I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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