i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
