Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
