How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
