apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
