you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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